we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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