I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
