I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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