dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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