Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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