ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize