My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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