her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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