I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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