Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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