I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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