I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
