Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
