That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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