last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
