i would punch a child for taco bell
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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