I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
