Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
