new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
