she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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