Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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