She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
