there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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