I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
