How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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