I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
