I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
