I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
