STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
