i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
