apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
