You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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