I heard we made out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
