we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
