That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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