My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
