I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is Oprah even human
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
