Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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