Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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