I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
why is half of my head shaved?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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