He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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