While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
