I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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