It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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