didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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