At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
