I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
