There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
