This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
