I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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