I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
