That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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