I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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