so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
