he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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