I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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