We need to rekindle our bromance
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need a burrito and a hug.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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