Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
