Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
