Pappa wants mamma naked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
