i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
