You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
