you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
