Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
