its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
