Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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