Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
